its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
