Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
