Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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