I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
