Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
