I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize