That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Randomize
