woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
