watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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