hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
