ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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