Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
