Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize