I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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