Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
