My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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