kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
