I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
