miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize