Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
