Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
What changed your mind?
Being sober
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
