Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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