he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
