i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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