I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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