Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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