I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
