I heard we made out
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
