I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just want to make out with him forever
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Pooping to opera.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
