im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
