Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
