I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
