so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
