Tell her she can't have a vagina
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
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