Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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