So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
How does one acquire holy water?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
