Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
