it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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