If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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