i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
