Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
