did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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