i love accidental penises.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
