i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
