Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize