dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Terrible idea I love it
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
