grandma shit on top of the toilet
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
