Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Jerry, you need to find god
I want to walk on stilts...naked
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
