Got a toothbrush?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
