I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
