She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize