Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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