Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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