dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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