I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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