sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My first STD was from a foam party
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
