I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
