Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Actions speak louder than pants.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
