I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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