I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
