Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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