They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
