she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
