i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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