i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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