My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
