Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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